Looking back

Well, it’s that time of year again. A time of year where we reflect on our accomplishments, measure our successes, and pat ourselves on the back. Well, someone with chronic illness has a somewhat different outlook on accomplishments/success.

I have spent the last couple of weeks reflecting on where I have landed at the end of 2018. Am I in a different place than I was at the beginning of 2018? You bet, but it’s definitely not for the better. I have lost significant ground. Below is a list of how the year measured up:

Mentally - more struggles here for sure
Neuropathy - huge step back. Big losses here.
Muscle pain - IMPROVED (it’s the little things that make my day)
Weakness in legs - lost ground here - wheelchair needed more often
Vision - has IMPROVED overall but, lately I’m noticing a little loss again.
Sensory Processing - definitely decreased,
Tendons - earlier in the year they were really bothering me. Every step I took I 

    was afraid the tendon would rupture- this has IMPROVED. Yeah!

Overall - Big step back in neuropathy.  It seems like this year is one step forward and two steps back.

So... overall not so hot of a year. Lots of losses, but hey there was a little improvement. I’m definitely learning patience. Oy, for example, John, and I are learning how to navigate AND communicate when using the beast. (Otherwise known as the wheelchair). Him being aware that my feet are out there in front of the chair and not bashing me into something or someone when he is trying to move or turn the chair. Me learning to be patient with John and how we both approach EVERYTHING differently. When wanting move across the room and the obvious way to go would be to the right. John turns to the left to get there. Pure frustration FOR SURE to me. But I now just zip it and smile and know we will eventually get there. Lol

To wrap up I have definitely learned some things this year. And there where more positives too.

I’ve worked hard to:
“Simplify my life” - to bring frustrations down - we have done this by by repairing 

    things not working correctly, moving things to where I can reach it without climbing, 

    getting rid of things saved for “someday” are just a few. Admitting the “someday” 

    ship sailed over ten years ago. I can no longer physically or perhaps mentally do my

    “someday list”.  Doing all the above has cut down on the chaos, and being 

    overwhelmed, I am finding helps me to cope better. More about this in a future post. 

“Communication” - talking more and understanding better

“Realistic Expectations” - I am disabled and can no longer do or live my life as I 

    used to no longer trying to live up to others expectations

“Surrender” this the way it is, deal with it.

“Accept” where I am at = peace

John and I are closer. More in tune with each other. We are in this together...I am not

    alone! God is teaching us to be ONE . Our relationship is better than ever before. 

    We are Both growing spiritually together. We have more than our share of 

    frustrations but the state of our relationship instead getting bitter, is getting better.

And that my friends is my 2018 in a nutshell. 

As always, till we talk again,
Sharon

Art Therapy coloring books in my Etsy shop:
Zentangle "Under the Sea"  http://etsy.me/2uyf2lH  
"Hearts"    http://etsy.me/1Kdwykm