Gratitude In All Things

Last weekend before the storms hit, the weather was absolutely beautiful. I was pleased to be able to get out for even a little while. I wanted to enjoy the mild weather. We decided to grab a coffee. We timed it perfectly. We planned to just grab a coffee and go. Usually John goes inside and gets us a coffee while I wait in the truck. (The noise and pressure of ordering is sure to annoy my "Sensory Processing Disorder". Crowds and noise do not play "nice" together for me. In fact they are in a constant game of who can take me out first). But, there were tables outside, and NO music playing (From my experience - unheard of at a coffee shop). The weather was mild and sunny. There were people sitting at some of the tables but they were talking quietly. So I was able to sit at a table - and enjoy my beverage - like a "normal" person. I used to have coffee dates often, and am sorry to say I took them for granted. Insert big sigh and palm to forehead.

After our coffee we decided to go for a walk. We used to go for a walk almost daily for the exercise - in my former life. "Going for a walk" is a term I use loosely. Now my walk consists of me sitting in the beast (wheelchair) and John getting all the exercise. Lol. I commented to John about this and we had a laugh. But, that got me to thinking. I was so grateful for so much that afternoon like:

*  How much I was enjoying the sun of my face.
*  The mild weather.
*  I was able to have a coffee date at a Coffee Shop.
*  I was able to feel like a normal person having a coffee date. 
*  The fact that we stumbled across a garage sale on our walk. I had just mentioned that morning how much I missed going to garage sales.  

All these thing I am grateful for. That I used to take such simple things for granted makes me sad.  I used to just assume I would do whatever I wanted to do just because I wanted to do it. I would think I want to do (insert activity) and then I would go do just that activity. Life was so easy then! I just cruised along taking advantage of my life's many many blessings and I'm disgusted to admit I was NOT appreciating MOST of it. I was sooooo ungrateful. Hummm.

I looked up the definition of  grateful and found this definition on the internet. 

grate·ful

Dictionary result for grateful

/ˈɡrātfəl/

adjective

1. 
   

   feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.

   "I'm very grateful to you for all your help"

   
   

   synonyms:

   thankful, filled with gratitude, appreciative;  indebted, obliged, obligated, under obligation, in your debt, beholden "I was most grateful for your hospitality"

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Do I show appreciation of kindness? Am I filled with gratitude? Appreciative? Thankful? If I'm honest I would say sometimes. But do I have a grateful "spirit"? This is what I am striving for. 

It's the little things friends. I am working hard to have a grateful heart. To appreciate ALL the little things. The sun on my face, the fact that I was able to get out of the house. To be able to have a coffee date, go on a walk. But most importantly to have John with me to go on a coffee date, and for him to be willing to push me on a walk. Yes I'm going to say it...To have the beast so I was able to get out.

The hymn "Give thanks with a grateful heart" has a lot of wisdom. I am making the effort to adopt this as a new lifestyle. I strive for this to become "natural" for me. Where I am grateful whatever the circumstance. Even in bad or not so desirable circumstances - that's where it gets hard. Really and truly grateful deep in the private part of my heart. The place no one sees but me. 

I am reminded of the psalmist saying "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, or Lord". Psalm 19:14
Not just saying I'm so grateful for Insert " ____" as I think we all do from time to time. But really owning it.  Having a truly grateful heart. Being content. Lots to think about, even more to apply and hopefully make a permanent lifestyle change. 

As always, until we talk again

Art Therapy coloring books in my Etsy shop:
"Under the Sea" Zentangle http://etsy.me/2uyf2lH
"Hearts"    http://etsy.me/1Kdwykm

I Was Able To Get Out

I was able to get out today. As many of you know my tendons and muscles were damaged 12 years ago. So bouncing around in a vehicle is extremely painful, thus rendering me pretty much homebound. Every time, and I do mean every time - I get into a vehicle I have first counted the cost. I ask myself:

1. How high is my pain before I leave? Will going somewhere increase my pain to where it’s unmanageable?

2. How far is it (translation, how long am I required to sit in moving vehicle before I get to the destination?) 

3. How long of recovery time will this trip require? And will I be able to rest for a couple of days to regain back the ground I lost before traveling?

I know this sounds like I’m talking about going for a long journey. It’s not, I’m talking about going the corner coffee shop. Or driving the 2 miles to my daughters house. Going to Costco. I’m talking short trips here.

Most times I decide it’s not a good idea to leave the house. It’s not worth the recovery time and pain I know will be required. Or my pain is just too high to begin with. This summer I logged 21 consecutive days without leaving the house.

I say this not to complain, but to try to educate. I am excepting my disability and making peace with it. Do your own research before taking whatever prescription the Dr. has prescribed. All prescriptions have side effects! I did read the precautions the Pharmacist handed me before taking Cipro. However, I was given the short, 1 page version. I didn’t know about the long 4 pages of full disclosure. If I had researched more I would have found that “muscle cramps” could mean LIFETIME muscle/tendon DAMAGE. Not the couple of days of stiff muscles I thought it meant. LIFETIME people! Quite a difference. I’m talking Lifetime changes kind of pain, with PERMANENT damage and no know cure.

You might get the impression I’m against medication. I am not! They do have their place. The U.S. Center for Disease Control recommends Cipro for the plague and anthrax. If I had the plague or anthrax I would be grateful for Cipro. However, I did not have the plague, I had a UTI! There were other alternatives that should have been tried BEFORE they hauled out the big cannons. The motto “Never use a shotgun when a flyswatter will do”. Seems to apply here.

Please, please, please do your due diligence before taking ANY medication. Then make your decision with ALL the facts.

As always, till we talk again.

Art Therapy coloring books in my Etsy shop:
"Under the Sea" Zentangle http://etsy.me/2uyf2lH  

"Hearts"    http://etsy.me/1Kdwykm

Looking back

Well, it’s that time of year again. A time of year where we reflect on our accomplishments, measure our successes, and pat ourselves on the back. Well, someone with chronic illness has a somewhat different outlook on accomplishments/success.

I have spent the last couple of weeks reflecting on where I have landed at the end of 2018. Am I in a different place than I was at the beginning of 2018? You bet, but it’s definitely not for the better. I have lost significant ground. Below is a list of how the year measured up:

Mentally - more struggles here for sure
Neuropathy - huge step back. Big losses here.
Muscle pain - IMPROVED (it’s the little things that make my day)
Weakness in legs - lost ground here - wheelchair needed more often
Vision - has IMPROVED overall but, lately I’m noticing a little loss again.
Sensory Processing - definitely decreased,
Tendons - earlier in the year they were really bothering me. Every step I took I 

    was afraid the tendon would rupture- this has IMPROVED. Yeah!

Overall - Big step back in neuropathy.  It seems like this year is one step forward and two steps back.

So... overall not so hot of a year. Lots of losses, but hey there was a little improvement. I’m definitely learning patience. Oy, for example, John, and I are learning how to navigate AND communicate when using the beast. (Otherwise known as the wheelchair). Him being aware that my feet are out there in front of the chair and not bashing me into something or someone when he is trying to move or turn the chair. Me learning to be patient with John and how we both approach EVERYTHING differently. When wanting move across the room and the obvious way to go would be to the right. John turns to the left to get there. Pure frustration FOR SURE to me. But I now just zip it and smile and know we will eventually get there. Lol

To wrap up I have definitely learned some things this year. And there where more positives too.

I’ve worked hard to:
“Simplify my life” - to bring frustrations down - we have done this by by repairing 

    things not working correctly, moving things to where I can reach it without climbing, 

    getting rid of things saved for “someday” are just a few. Admitting the “someday” 

    ship sailed over ten years ago. I can no longer physically or perhaps mentally do my

    “someday list”.  Doing all the above has cut down on the chaos, and being 

    overwhelmed, I am finding helps me to cope better. More about this in a future post. 

“Communication” - talking more and understanding better

“Realistic Expectations” - I am disabled and can no longer do or live my life as I 

    used to no longer trying to live up to others expectations

“Surrender” this the way it is, deal with it.

“Accept” where I am at = peace

John and I are closer. More in tune with each other. We are in this together...I am not

    alone! God is teaching us to be ONE . Our relationship is better than ever before. 

    We are Both growing spiritually together. We have more than our share of 

    frustrations but the state of our relationship instead getting bitter, is getting better.

And that my friends is my 2018 in a nutshell. 

As always, till we talk again,
Sharon

Art Therapy coloring books in my Etsy shop:
Zentangle "Under the Sea"  http://etsy.me/2uyf2lH  
"Hearts"    http://etsy.me/1Kdwykm